Here's just a bit about me that everyone should know....I HATE WINTER!!!!!! I despise being any sort of cold...I don't like being all bundled up...I don't like bundling up my kids...and most of all...I hate when anyone I love gets sick :( It just kind of throws my world a little off. Well, since its October, and the weather has started to change..a little...someone needed to get sick. Bless her little heart, my oldest started this wonderful round. "My tummy hurts" followed by "my throat hurts" or as my 4 year old says, "my neck hurts" :) This then goes to a horrendous perpetual cough that lasts until about.....March. I don't want to be that mom that worries about every little cough/ache/pain, but I also don't want to be that mom that always say "it's just allergies" when the kid is vomiting :) So, erring on the side of caution, I caved and took them all to the doctor, knowing full well I should have just thrown $100 into the wind. Just dumb viruses. That's all....viruses. Well....let me just tell you what I think of those viruses...and why on Earth they can't just leave me alone. Oh, well. A couple doses of steroids and a few days and they will be back to normal...whatever that is. I did ask the doc point blank, "can I take them back to school?" No fevers...absolutely. Ok...now I am THAT mom. The one who took her seal-of-a-child back to school. I told everyone who would listen the doctor told me it was ok to bring her back...then the poor little thing would cough. Oh dear...that cough. It's like this horrid bark that comes from the depths of gut. Eww. Once they heard her cough, I am pretty sure they looked at me like I was a compulsive liar. Hey...the doctor said it was ok :) That's my story and I am sticking to it! And I am guaranteed this wont be the last round of the season...I can only hope. But until March, I will walk around with my armor on....Germ-X. Don't leave home without it. And I will continue to lecture my kids about not touching eyes/nose/mouth, and washing their hands before they eat anything...blah, blah, blah....
I will say this for Winter, it can put on some beautiful displays of nature. The snow and ice are so magnificent to look at. But can we just keep it at that...looking???? I don't actually want to go anywhere when I see that, I just want to stay inside....out of the wind and any danger that awaits me once I step on the porch...and that's usually where I fall. But no...the world must go on..poo. And now, wonderful Winter is nearly upon us. And we will be forced to ask the question 6 million times..."is it Spring yet?" In my opinion, that's the best part of Winter....when it's over, and Spring comes. Ahhhhhh.....(that's my long sigh of relief.) That's the only thing that gets me through every Winter...knowing that it will soon come to an end. And the new beginnings of Spring will get here, which will make way for my ultimate season...SUMMER!!!!!! I just get warm fuzzies thinking about it...laying poolside...enjoying picnics....the Fourth of July...YAY!!!!! Darn you Winter.....can't we just skip you? Oh, well...back to reality, and the viruses that loom. Along with sub-zero temps, ice storms that cause us to slide our cars into things, and (I will go ahead and be nice), the beauty and peace that comes from the appearance of freshly fallen snow. You'd think I would get used to it, it comes every year....here's to Winter....looking forward to the end of it :)
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Building a mystery
I am probably doing a major blogging no-no right now, but I am using a very good friend's recent emotions to propel this blog. No, I did not ask her permission, and this is why....I have been exactly where she is. EXACTLY. And I have struggled with the same emotions, and many more because I am an extremely emotional person.
Believers know that the mere Presence of God is an amazing thing to experience. You can be in a room with a million, a hundred, or just one, and the effect is always the same. You close your eyes and suddenly you are taken to another world. The world where nothing hurts, you feel so comfortable, your heart is so full, you are sure its going to explode with joy. You are also sure nothing will ever change the way you feel in that moment. The peace is so strong, the fire in your spirit is burning so bright. Awesome...that's the only word to explain. Awesome.
What happens next, you open your eyes, only to have that moment gone. The wind of the Holy Spirit has descended upon you, and just as quickly as it came, it has blown to the next person in order for them to experience what you just have. And as you take your next step, you understand reality is back...the same reality you had before the Holy Spirit came. Only now, you don't want to go back. You want to stay....stay where it seems to be easy. And as your day goes on, you become more and more frustrated with the things of this world. And it makes you mad. REally mad. Suddenly you become so convicted for despising the very thing we love...our life. We feel guilty and sad because we don't want to be where we are. We want to be where He is.
God is such a mystery to us all. And He only allows us to know what He wants us to know. So when we receive that beautiful brush of wind caused by the Holy Spirit, we are experiencing just a touch of Heaven...and we want to stay there forever. And He knew that would be our reaction. It's not a suprise to Him that we want to be near Him. It's not a suprise that we don't want to go back to everything we love. But what would we be doing for God's kingdom if we stood there in the moment forever? He gave us that moment for a purpose. He let us experience that breath of Heaven so we can know what it feels like to be by His side. And then He sent us out into the world. To be a light shining so fresh and bright to all...
However, it takes us just a bit to get over ourselves. To get over the selfishness of wanting to be there with Him...and not to discount the LOVE we have for our family and friends. We don't want to be away from them at all. We just want to be with Him and with them. In other words, we want to have our cake and eat it too. It just seemed so much easier in that moment. But the truth is that we can have both. If we choose to live our lives for the kingdom of Heaven....doing all the good we can for all the people we can, that is having your cake and eating it too. We don't have the capacity to do it ourselves, so we must rely on our source of strength, our rock to get us there. And that is living in the presence of God. Giving a stranger directions to somewhere, putting a check in the offering plate, helping with a Sunday School class, taking care of our families(yes, I went there), they are all things that our flesh does not want us to accomplish. And so by the grace of God, He has helped get us there.
As for that encounter with the Holy Spirit, I am thankful for each one that I have had, and will have. They are amazing....breath taking...Godly. But they're purpose is for so much more than making us feel good. It's like recharging our batteries, only we don't know it. And sorting out the feelings that come out when we are touched like that is so difficult...it truly is a mystery, which makes is somewhat frustrating. But we become thankful we had that moment, and we get ready to face this world. Because someday, we will feel that again, and then, we will never have to leave.
Believers know that the mere Presence of God is an amazing thing to experience. You can be in a room with a million, a hundred, or just one, and the effect is always the same. You close your eyes and suddenly you are taken to another world. The world where nothing hurts, you feel so comfortable, your heart is so full, you are sure its going to explode with joy. You are also sure nothing will ever change the way you feel in that moment. The peace is so strong, the fire in your spirit is burning so bright. Awesome...that's the only word to explain. Awesome.
What happens next, you open your eyes, only to have that moment gone. The wind of the Holy Spirit has descended upon you, and just as quickly as it came, it has blown to the next person in order for them to experience what you just have. And as you take your next step, you understand reality is back...the same reality you had before the Holy Spirit came. Only now, you don't want to go back. You want to stay....stay where it seems to be easy. And as your day goes on, you become more and more frustrated with the things of this world. And it makes you mad. REally mad. Suddenly you become so convicted for despising the very thing we love...our life. We feel guilty and sad because we don't want to be where we are. We want to be where He is.
God is such a mystery to us all. And He only allows us to know what He wants us to know. So when we receive that beautiful brush of wind caused by the Holy Spirit, we are experiencing just a touch of Heaven...and we want to stay there forever. And He knew that would be our reaction. It's not a suprise to Him that we want to be near Him. It's not a suprise that we don't want to go back to everything we love. But what would we be doing for God's kingdom if we stood there in the moment forever? He gave us that moment for a purpose. He let us experience that breath of Heaven so we can know what it feels like to be by His side. And then He sent us out into the world. To be a light shining so fresh and bright to all...
However, it takes us just a bit to get over ourselves. To get over the selfishness of wanting to be there with Him...and not to discount the LOVE we have for our family and friends. We don't want to be away from them at all. We just want to be with Him and with them. In other words, we want to have our cake and eat it too. It just seemed so much easier in that moment. But the truth is that we can have both. If we choose to live our lives for the kingdom of Heaven....doing all the good we can for all the people we can, that is having your cake and eating it too. We don't have the capacity to do it ourselves, so we must rely on our source of strength, our rock to get us there. And that is living in the presence of God. Giving a stranger directions to somewhere, putting a check in the offering plate, helping with a Sunday School class, taking care of our families(yes, I went there), they are all things that our flesh does not want us to accomplish. And so by the grace of God, He has helped get us there.
As for that encounter with the Holy Spirit, I am thankful for each one that I have had, and will have. They are amazing....breath taking...Godly. But they're purpose is for so much more than making us feel good. It's like recharging our batteries, only we don't know it. And sorting out the feelings that come out when we are touched like that is so difficult...it truly is a mystery, which makes is somewhat frustrating. But we become thankful we had that moment, and we get ready to face this world. Because someday, we will feel that again, and then, we will never have to leave.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Truth is.....
Ok...so...
I look around at everyone else's totally awesome, pumped up, whacked out, cracked out, glitzy, glamorous and amazing blogs, and I get not just a smidge self-conscience, but down right embarrassed. It's like a whole other universe, and obviously I am the alien. You go to one blog, and you see amazing recipes and these fantastic craft ideas....what????? Who has time for crafts????? Then you click on a link from that blog and you get to one that has these incredibly pictures...and art! Lots of it! You just get these warm and fuzzy feelings from the mere layout of these blogs....and please.....DON'T GET ME WRONG!!!!
I just sit and stare in amazement. Actually you could probably call it more of a stalker-type obsession. They are so beautiful...so perfectly planned out. I read them and the words speak to me so strongly. I laugh with them, I cry with them. I empathize and understand. I want to call them and tell them all of my feelings about what they just wrote.
Now before you go thinking I am some crazy creeper person who needs to get a life, please know that I have one. An extremely busy one at that. I don't spend every waking hour at the computer gawking at the blog community. I am just in awe of the creativity of others. Back to that crazy busy life of my own....
I have a this husband, whom I met and married almost 10 years ago...I will reveal the story of our 4 and a half month engagement later :).....who is truly the love of my life. Through thick and thin, sickness and health, he is wonderful. And from this beautiful love, came these wonderful children...5 of them to be exact. Except only 3 of them live in our house. We have 2 precious little angel babies dancing in Heaven. They are dancing because they know they saved their mommy's life. More on that later too....The 3 that we care for, however, keep me plenty busy! At ages 7, 5, and 4, I often sit back and wonder how all three of those miraculous little beings came from the same gene pool. Oh, they look alike, but their BIG personalities couldn't be more different. I have the teacher-type...I say teacher-type because it just sounds nicer than Miss Bossy-Pants. You get the idea....And my middle child...she lives in a world that the creature from Horton hears a who describes perfectly "...where everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies..." And then there's the boy...THE BOY....yep...that describes him. But somehow he manages to melt my heart with every move he makes.
My family is the reason I get out of bed every morning...and that is not an easy thing for me to do. I giggle at the things they say and do. I cry because they frustrate me at times. They keep me busy and give me a reason to relax all at the same time. They keep me on my toes and that's good because I
have a tendency to get complacent. Everyday is different because of them. And it's wonderful.
God is my rock, and although my world has been shaken more than enough times in my opinion, He has never failed. Ever. When I take a 3rd person perspective of my life, I am jealous :) And living this life, I am thankful. Oh so very thankful.....From the desires of my heart to the husband I have to the children we were given...and taken away...to the job I love to the friends who keep me sane...I am thankful.
I probably will never reach fame because of this blog, but I am gonna do it anyway. And while my layout might not bring warm fuzzies to all who look at it, it's mine, and it's inspired by the ones I love, and the one's who love me. That's why it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And why when I look at other's blogs I am amazed...theirs too are inspired by the ones they love, and the one's who love them...they draw their fabulous creativity from their days filled with belly laughs and scraped-knee tears. Grilled cheese lunches, and chicken noodle dinners. The tuck me in one more time and leave the hall light on goodnights. And....
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
And that's why I love hindsight....
Ever feel like you just can't catch a freakin break? Yeah....I'm there.... Call it feeling sorry for yourself...call it a pity party...call it whatever you want to, but I am there. Count your blessings...yeah I know that too. And I do...every single day! I have heard that saying, "what if you only had today the things you thanked God for yesterday?" It's a great reminder. But then there are those days when a blessing is sitting at your feet, just waiting for you, and you reach down to pick it up, and its gone. I saw it, I even thanked God for it, but then without warning or rationale its gone. Then I am left to pick up the pieces and figure out where to go and what to learn from it all. And that is why I love hindsight. Its always so easy to see things after the fact. It all looks so clear and everything just falls into place. It makes perfect sense. Where the heck is the fast forward button? I need to be there....NOW.
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